10 things not to say to someone in hospital
When someone is in hospital, they may be:
- Ill – or they wouldn’t be in hospital
- Grumpy and not chatty
- Concentrating. When people are very ill, they are often quiet as they are concentrating on maximising their chance of getting better.
Its OK not to talk and just sit together. Maybe hold hands.
Here are 10 things not to say.
1. “What can I do to help?”
Most patients hate this question because as kind-hearted as it sounds, it actually shifts the burden back on them. The truth is .. the patient is not going to tell you. Amongst other reasons, they don’t want to admit that they need help.
2. “My thoughts and prayers are with you”
Many people will be thinking about you, which is lovely. Others pray for you, which is equally generous. But the majority of people who say they’re sending ‘thoughts and prayers’ are just falling back on a mindless cliché. It’s time to retire this phrase. If you pray, pray .. you dint have to tell people. If you don’t, either be silent (best) or just say, ‘I’m thinking of you’.
3. “Everything will be OK”
How do you know? The truth is that most of us don’t know what to say in these situations, so we end up falling back on chirpy slogans: ‘Chin up!’ ‘You’ll get through this’ or ‘Feel grateful every day’. But these banalities are more often designed to make you feel better than the patient. Since you don’t know the prognosis, don’t predict the future.
4. “You look great”
Nice try, but who are you kidding? We have bags under our eyes, we have bruises all over our bodies, we’re wearing baggy clothes because of all the devices that get plugged into us, and our colostomy bags need emptying. It’s understandable that you’re comparing us with your memory of us, but we don’t want to hear something clearly untrue.
5. “You must be getting so much rest”
And you are in hospital. Great!
6. “I completely understand what this is like”
Fake empathy. No, you don’t. How do you know how they are feeling?
7. “It could be worse” or “I don’t think it’s serious” or “Think positive”
Again, how do you know? They will be either thinking positively or not. You cannot change that.
8. “You’re so lucky you get to binge-watch Netflix or ‘how about eating organic from now on?’
Ridiculous.
9. “The doctors and nurses are so lovely, so busy and work so hard”
It’s their job to be hard-working and busy, kind and empathetic, and they are paid for it (the doctors very well)
10. “You look tired/old/a mess”
Not helpful.
